Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
