Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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