We won't sleep together?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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