I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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