That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
