dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
