Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
