It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
