I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A bitchslap is in order.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
