And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
