Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
