u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
