Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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