why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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