Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
