i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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