Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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