You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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