It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
