I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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