I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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