I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
