nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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