my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I enjoy the company of your penis
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