So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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