I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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