My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
