I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
