while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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