Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
