He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
