FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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