Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
