As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
