i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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