Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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