My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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