Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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