my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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