I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
my liver is dry heaving
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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