Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
