Do you still have your period?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
