I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
