i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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