I'm going to jail i love you
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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