I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
