when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
