how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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