No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
