I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I checked into jail on foursquare
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
