Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
