Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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