Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
