I love black thongs
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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