What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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