Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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