i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
