we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
