I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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