we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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