Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
