She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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