I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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