Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
