my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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