He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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