I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
