I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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