what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
