I just threw up on my dentist
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
