the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
