cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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