So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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