She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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