Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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