Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
