we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
