OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
