Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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